please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Randomize
