Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
