We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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