I can text with my tongue
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
