He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
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