I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
