Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
