So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
