i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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