I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
