I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
