This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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