You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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