you guys were way drunker than both of me
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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