he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
