Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
