This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize