mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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