FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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