it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
