evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Randomize
