Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Please, let me fuck your mom
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Randomize