Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
this just has baby written all over it
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
