Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Your penis caused this!
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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