My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
