Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Randomize
