and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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