I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
