I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Randomize
