dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
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