even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
