Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
