I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize