New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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