a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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