I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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