4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
