Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
