No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
