Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Randomize
