Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
