My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
