trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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