gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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