I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
