my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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