epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
