My friends, they love my intelligence
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
