this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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