Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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