dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
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