I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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