did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
