So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
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