I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Everything about him screamed your future.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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