People in love make me want to vomit
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
