totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
