So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
