it's too hot outside to masturbate.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
