we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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