PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
