i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Randomize
