I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
