shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
