I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Randomize
