awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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