I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
It's like God shit irony all over that family
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Randomize
