There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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