Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
You smell like a Billy Joel song
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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