I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
