You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
me + whiskey = a bad person
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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