I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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