Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
