Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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