I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
