even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
