It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize