what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
