The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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