I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
