I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
