apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
