She went from zero to smokin in five shots
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
