this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
