I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Church boner. Awkwardddd
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
