her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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