it's like iHOP with fire
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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