Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize