I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
