sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
