Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
