Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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