There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
