I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
