my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
so let's talk penis.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
