Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
