Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
