God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I am one with the molecules
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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