what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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