Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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