Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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