What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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