Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
