I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
You're breaking my sexual little heart
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
