my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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